PANIC_0

Arrivò il Grande Pan

Distrusse mio padre

Spaventa i suoi figli

Voce terrificante

Volto mostruoso

Anima corrotta

Ubriaco di malizia

Spaventa di notte

night life of the Rannes

Suffering from insomnia I only have one wish. I wonder what happens every night after dark. Every summer they apppear. When I kind of doze off, they lurk without a noise. They watch movies, dance and hike. They prepare early breakfast with pancakes at 1am o midnight tacos for all. They only leave their fingerprints all over the place, besides Tons of dishes to wash and no cheese or chocolate. I love them both, as they like the beach, go hiking or share bicycling with me.  See you next summer, Mr Daddy Ranne and Miss Teen Ranne. 

morning walk

 I have terrible insomnia with the feeling that I have to burn the house down. Just discovered him on their room. Drunk, despicable, almost demonic. I just walked back to my room. Their destiny is sealed with another secret. He is a saint, a great heroe, my love. I better just go for my morning walk and forget what happened. Nothing to see here.They won't remember a thing, they were sleeping. Their nightmare complaining is lack of devotion for their father.

Criminogenesis

Cognition or will are affected by substances? Is the psychopathy on your detached behavior that objectified other? Is there remorse, do you regret the pulsation of being animalistic? How come you could easily satisfy basic needs at the same time that you triggered the worse fears? Might it be mentally handicapped by trauma? No, cruelty is a manifestation of will. Being a human ruin is it just a consequence of the egocentric manipulation of others. Your humanity gave you the emotional urge to seek for love, caregiving was the trap. Yesterday while reading the wounded book of another woman about her past, I reflected. Just picking up pieces of identity, I experienced dysfunctionality. Caregiving was conditional and validation was given by silence. I escaped only at 36. Now at 47 I am ultimate ready to condemn both of treason. 

Des ALMA 2

I was born in Latin America, to the typical single mother with an absent father. She was raising me technically alone with my grandmother, as she held a long distance relationship with him. Visits once a month, while he was drunk all weekend with us. Full of gifts, love bombing with grabbing and kissing, I was the favorite ginger haired treat for daddy. He was obsessed with me, my mother started being hostile to me. I started with insomnia and later with asthma attacks; nightmares about family members becoming evil haunted my sleep. I kept a secret for almost two decades: another male relative simultaneously molested me as my father did too. The younger male escalated the abuse on the day I got this id. We left the city to live as a “united family” with my father away from this young abuser. My daddy escalated his molestation while claiming when I confronted him and my mother, he had black outs about abuse when he got drunk. He was enabled by my needy mother, who did not stop him when she knew she was in my room at night. I went through university, married but divorced due to chronic depression. I was too ashamed about my trauma for years, actually disclosing the incest episodes on my 30’s. I was diagnosed accurately with Cpst and have navigated the trauma with narrative exposure therapy, retelling my story in therapy, online confiding with other survivors and in a blog. I cut ties from the dysfunctional family that did not believe me. We are a legion of human beings that were betrayed by people we grew up with, and we were chained by guilt not to speak up.

jews

Einstein, Freud, Kafka, Spinoza, Spielberg, Garry Kasparov, Julius Oppenheimer, Niels Bohr, Carl Sagan, Ellie Wiesel, Marcel Marceau, Marcel Proust, Arthur Miller, Jesus

impersonator

I wake up again to the same nighmare that haunts me with the sudden midnight asthma attack since I was 3. I have been the whole day with my father, as he returned from his far away work to spend the weekend. He visits once a month as he is this event that jumps to our lives to give us fun and gifts.  We are 6 sisters as he continues to insist to mother he should have a boy. Each of us will spend that weekend twice a year with him, as he pampers his princesses. But as this is my birthday, he decided to skip my sister and give me a third chance of his full attention. He seems different, he holds me tighter, he asphyxiates me with more kisses, he is tickling me in a harsher way. He came back in the middle of my asthma attack from the bar, rescuing me from my bed, telling my mother to protect my sisters tonight from the monster on their own room.  As I realize that the whiskey flavored kissing became biting and the monster  impersonated my daddy,  as he closes the door to my parents room while I am being place on their bed all alone. 

Stephen King They Father

I was conceived by horror, as that union was not meant to be. After a stillborn, I replaced the male baby. I was nursed by horror movies that my mother adored more than her rest or her children. Today, that is my heritage, as it is an very effective coping mechanism for people. You face symbolic evil, the real threats look less harmful. So, I saw the shower scene from Carrie, scaring for life about blood and womenhood. I was kicked out of the room by as I started crying at 6 years old. But I could hear the movies screams for the remaining 50 min or so.

Now as an adult, I understand I was Carrie, driven by guilt of being preying and exposed by narcissists.

Unleashed

I understand that I am freeing myself of a life sentence imposed by secrecy and shame. Teared apart by the weight of the abominable closeness to my agressor, at the end I just got injured by the judgement, I was right not to trust anyone with my pain.

Might be that containing my deemed light is a impossible quest, that gives thrill to the whole completing the path. 

Inmense kindness is sheltered by a soul committed to trying to care, forgetting itself. May 2025 show how to continue to the direction to pick up the pieces scattered, to keep building up the soul that lost the essence of self. 

Nosferatu

 This new iteration of the bedroom monster after 45 years of the real monster version is quite terrifying. The total madness of the evil consuming everything and anyone was a traumatic view for a 5 year old.

Some of us have woken to the horrific sensation of dread of the lurking on your sleep. 

In Italian, the word for nightmare is the same word that we identify as the demonic attacker that steals your innocence, the Incubo.

Kinski beside his known violent character, he preyed his daughters.

The new movie proposes that the victim defeats the monster assuming his corruption and liberating herself of the repression of shame and guilty pleasures.

We need to revisit the 3 times told story.

The gallant parasite of the 1922 version as a pitiful entity.

The Kinski version on 1979 just played himself, attacking females on their sleep.

May this time in 2024, we have the monster destroyed by its own rotten behavior by his own victim.