MotheRiding HooD

 People ask me, you are 40ish . Why are not pregnant yet? My gyneco, of course needs a client, but the rest of the universe why require me to donate half of my amazing genes for population growth?

Well, I was once pregnant, but it lasted just a glimpse. It was an act of faith and as a comet, it was just an event of a life time.

I was really introduced to motherhood, that instinctic state of bliss that cultures just aims towards females, but that anyone can approach and enjoy, when I had my 8th birthday.

We used to life at the Andean Mountains with my Grandmother and nuclear family, 2 sisters . I was the middle child. But I was the chosen one to be sick, so from first princess I became the queen of the house.

More attention to the asthmatic 6 year old. So the 11 year old became perfect to grab more spotlight. Baby sister was left to my Grandmother to become her nanny, as Mother had had a post partum sadness event. She only could deal with the asthmatic ginger bundle of attention. I became that doll you sleep with, bathe in hot water, take to the doctor, vaccinate from allergies, give her coffee with milk as breakfast, rap in news paper as a beggar to keep her warm, dress her up with extra 2 sweaters, send her to kindergarden at 2, but kidnap her at 4 to 7 to homeschool because 10C and humidity get her sick, take her to the ER twice a month to give her oxygen as the ginger doll was becoming blue berry color.

But the doll learn to be quiet when she did not like food, she got burned  bathing, was itchy due to the ink of the newspaper wrapping, hated the hot coffee because made her anxious and energized, spilled the coca cola from her school thermo due to the carbonated gas, suffered hipotermia and pain at the doctor, do not move due to the extra weight of the sweater and sweat dirty for the heat of the astronaut outfit, and really was afraid of the Teacher because every mistake was corrected by a shouting menace "You are just as manipulative as your father, you look like him, and find a way to convince me not to not be discipline, you are just as flirty as him, so be careful with your behavior, as girls keep to themselves. Do not attract attention, it is dangerous".

But I have fire in my heart, extrovertive genetic material from my German Caribbean raised grandmother, and I became subversive. I liked attention, so I became an influencer in the 1980.s. I sang tradicional poetry and when I forgot the lines, I improvised. I imitated any dancing I saw, so I did african dance with striptease and got cancelled, as you can not be ethnic at 8C with a flat without heating. I wrote stories about martians, because I love the idea of being kidnapped to go to space and visit Mars my planet, as my name means the dedicated human to Mars. Icon tinued my literary path subversively, as I had to become a professional adult and find a job. I was publish at 9, and then won a high school contest at 16, and I continue sharing the good satirical view of the witness as Gabriel Garcia Marquez,  or Augusto Monterroso did, complaining about anything and about anyone, yes professional troll now days...

As always, #NoomiRapace came to my rescue, and on Lamb nailed it. You can not replaced that baby, ever, it's soul was unique and long gone.

But, as it's already written in the Book of Life, I am not mother material, I am too suffocating, I am that crazy cool weirdo aunt, that you leave your kids only for 15 min.

#vivarium liberated me from my feminine burden , recommended movie.